Pain, the Fourth "P"

I have insinuated on here several times about my illness and that I am "stuck" at home.  Let me clarify of what I speak.

1.  I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. While I am uncertain if that is what is the whole of what is going on, I am coming around to the fact that it is at least part of it.  Fibro means joint aches and pains and so much more. Today I am dealing with the fact that my skin hurts so bad the touching things (like the keys of a keyboard) sends pain to the receptors in my brain. Being stubborn doesn't help me here.

2. I have what are called complex, complicated migraines.  I have been suffering from migraines daily for a while now.  When combined with the above it means that the hair on my head hurts today.  Not like man I drank to much last night hurts; nope this is holy hell my hair is too heavy on my skin hurts. My life is a true joy of finding new ways to have migraine symptoms.  Seizures, parathesia, edema, blindness, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity, tinnitus, nausea, vomiting, hot and cold flashes; the list goes on...and on...

3. All of the medications for the above have taken away my hunger.  I don't get hungry.  I just eat when I take my pills because that's what the doctor told me to do.  I like food, but I don't get hungry...and when I do eat sometimes it doesn't taste the same way...

4.  Prior to my doctor telling me to eat when I took my pills I had lost 20 pounds because I wasn't eating at all unless it was put in front of me.

5. Since then they said that I have gained 40 pounds.

6.  That was only a couple of months ago, so I went in for an ultrasound of my liver and another MRI of my brain.

7. Oh yeah I have a brain tumor.  It's benign they think.  It's the kind you get when you have had a migraine every day for almost a year.

8.  There are also 3 holes in my heart; but they haven't caused any of this, because my heart is completely healthy.

Five years ago I was in the best shape I had been in since I was an adult.  In the time since I have fought, and beaten, cancer and have dealt with what are honestly beginning to seem like the side effects from that.  They didn't give me chemo or radiation.  I had four, count them FOUR, surgeries in eight months.  I went out after three of them and worked, in one way or another, for at least a week.  The third was the only in patient surgery, but I have been told all four were major surgeries.  By the end of that year I was exhausted.  I have never been quite the same, I stopped working that same year, so neither have our finances.

We moved from Michigan to Illinois just over 2 years ago.  We rented a tractor trailer from a specialized company and packed/unpacked ourselves.  I did most of the packing by myself due to work commitments that Sar and Crimson had. Our things filled a 28' trailer. I had some amazing help at the end of our time in Michigan; but a significant portion was just me.  I had knee trouble when we got to Illinois so our friends here helped us unpack.  I haven't been myself since.  I have trouble carrying 15 pounds around the house. Standing and walking can be an issue.  I am now taking anti-depressants and anxiety medication because of where that kind of pain and debilitation took me.

Some days I can't get out of bed. Some days I can and then have to go back. I am never just fine. I do the things on this blog despite the pain. I want a little beauty in my life again so I am taking it. This isn't a story of someone triumphing over their disease.  This is the story of someone living at subsistence level with their disease.

Love what I am doing and want to see more?  I am now on Patreon.

Inspiration Photography...or...Wow that's pretty, now to remember why I took it...

Most often when I am inspired to take photos it involves the obvious.  Why does one take a photo of the sunset?  Because it is beautiful. The same can be said of almost any large scale "nature" photo of mine. Then there are the ones that it's not true for.

This is a random collection of some of my raw work. The one with the date on it was even taken with a different, "lesser" camera. All of these photos will, or have, become art in a different form; some you have even seen in this blog.  Every one of these was taken because it was the texture of the subject that appealed to me. Unlike a "pretty" photo I rarely had any idea at the time of taking the picture what the finished product would look like, I just knew there was something interesting here and I wanted to have a part in making it come alive.

It is rarely difficult in photography to find a subject that is interesting, pretty, or even beautiful.  The difficult part is not even having the skill to take a good, even a GREAT photo, with time and dedication it will happen. Having your camera with you, knowing that NOW is the time to get that shot, and then seeing it in the proverbial darkroom; these are the things that make an art photographer. Did you see that lead?  Having your camera with you. Not your camera phone. Not your point and shoot (while my husband's point and shoot did take one of these, so I have to watch myself there). Nope, having your CAMERA with you. Very few photographers travel without their cameras. We might miss something.

The difference between a hobby photographer and a professional photographer is, technically, simply the charging of fees. In truth, it is much more complex.  In this age of digital anyone, everyone it seems, can take a good photo-and does.  I am not even going to use the line about a GREAT photo.  Not this time. A hobbiest though, will have taken, and deleted, many more photos than a professional. The professional has learned when to take the picture (or pictures) and that deleting often loses you a shot that might have been good with some thought behind it. A professional will take 100 to every 1,000 of the hobbiest.  More of them will be good and yes, some of them will even be great (it is possible for a hobbiest to take a great photo...I know this and don't go there often).  There are "professional" photographers who are really hobbiests and there are hobbiests who only lack the equipment to be professionals.  I have seen iPhone photos that were better than some pros work; not because of bad pros, but because of amazing hobbiests.

Take the photo, sometimes it is done at that point.  Sometimes it is not.  Art is knowing when it is done, and taking the steps or not taking any steps, to get it there! Love what I am doing and want to see more?  I am now on Patreon.

Three Weeks in and some Random Photos

So, we are three weeks in and I think you are seeing the trend.  I am trying to have a conversation with you, the reader. I am keeping my posts short and posting daily to keep the conversation going.  Please feel free to do more than just read!  I look forward to answering questions and even dealing with topics suggested by readers.  If you don't like what I am doing then unless you are related to me, by blood or marriage, why are you still reading?

Now onto our 3Ps....today we will post some lovely photos and discuss! Yay photos!

Wood Dragon

The Big Top

Camouflage

Canyon Wall

I love taking photos from an unusual perspective.  Wood Dragon is not from that unusual a perspective, but from the angle I took it I emphasized the log's resemblance to the dragon with it's mouth open.  This "trick angle" is a common photographic trick and is why you see us wandering around in circles for hours before we take a photo.  Okay maybe not hours, but you see what I mean.

The "Big Top" is not actually a tent, but a wooden picnic area that had the most amazing angles and arches.  This was taken in natural light with a zoom lens helping the shadows do those amazing things they do.

Camouflage is the reason I want a macro/micro lens when and if I ever get a camera again. The ability to see this gran daddy long legs up close and personal without walking out into the lagoon, is well worth the lens!  Okay, I admit it, I have lens envy.

Finally "Canyon Wall"  is no more and no less than it's title.  The colors, angles, and crop all come together to make you ask which way is up.  Taken in New Mexico this photo shows the stark beauty of the desert and the persistence of time and water.

Photography is a joy for me and one I have missed for the last two years since I had to sell my camera.  I am hoping to get back to it soon.  There is water calling me!

Love what I am doing and want to see more?  I am now on Patreon.