Sometimes it Hurts

Too Soon

The Mother cries

For the life She had to take

For the hearts She had to break

Not because it was his time

Not because it was our time

But because it was Her time

So gently She weeps

As the tears roll down our cheeks.

Blood Tells

I am not a mother

Yet I am their Mom, their grandma and

I was his Great Grandmother

We only met twice,

Yet he was my baby

Blood is not the only connection

Family is of the soul

He will be missed

Another piece of my heart  taken early

Dad

My heart hurts.

My stomach turns.

My tears fall.

I miss you.

You were my rock.

You were our shelter.

You are Dad…

And you are gone.

I remember

And I weep

I ache

And I burn.

I know you walk beside me.

I wish I could feel your hug.

You would love him too.

It’s what makes me so very sad.

Tomorrow is forever

Today will go away

The past is a fading memory.

Stay in my heart

Know my dreams

See my joys

Feel my sorrows.

Kiss my hurts

Heal my wounds

Patch the scrapes

I miss you

I love you

I need you

Father 

Poetry comes from a place deep inside me. Sometimes it hurts.  I cry while I write, but I still get it out.  Why?  Because sometimes it is supposed to hurt.  You don't get away with living life without pain. Sometimes life hurts.  There is nothing wrong with that. It is the way it is supposed to be. Sorrow is how we heal.  Let your life be a life.

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Poetry

Looking back on the many posts I have already made, I was surprised that there were not more posts about my poetry. I do not write poetry often, mostly because it comes to me whole in a flash. There is no outline, deliberation, editing. I just have my piece. I had better write it down quickly too or it will be gone...just like it arrived. I have spent many a late night writing piece after piece. I have a love hate relationship with those nights.

My first poem in over 10 years was also my first real writing in that long. I had sequestered myself from my friends and the urge to write had gone with them. At the time I thought it was for the best. I regret nothing for I love where I am today, even with the challenges I have, but I did miss it.


Every Night as I lie in your arms
Your breath touches my skin
Passion flows in my veins
Love lives in my heart and
Wonder lights in my head
For it is every night that I lie in your arms…


I wrote this piece for Sar. He opened my heart and my mind in so many ways; we were particularly awful to be around as the New Relationship Energy pumped through us. That one caught all of that, plus my excitement at writing again.

Secrets, the next poem, actually has no story.  Well other than the one where everyone tried to figure out what I was hiding.  Honestly it just came like many others, it had no hidden meaning to me.  Does it to you?

There are things you cannot share
things you do not dare.
There are things that make you sad
when all you wish is to be mad.
There are things that stop you in your tracks
and make others turn their backs.
There are things you wouldn’t show
that no one truly wants to know.

It’s best if these things stay hidden away
forever and a day.
A promise broken, a promise kept
broken hearts under rugs, swept.
There are things I wish to say,
if only I could find a way.

I don't know what style I would call my poetry. I rarely worry about rhyme, thinking more about the rhythm of the words. I often use short phrases and repeated patterns, not words always, but repeats in the look and feel of the phrase, to get impact. You can see that in my final piece today.

What I want
What I need
Who I love
Who I am
How I live
How I talk
Where I play
Where I laugh
Why I care
Why I write

What matters?
Who fears?
How said?
Where cautioned?
Why judge?

Ask
Learn
Know
Live

The more I write the better I write, or at least the better I think I write.  I hope you are enjoying the blog! 

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Life ain't easy

It isn't meant to be.

A quote:  The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things. ~Henry David Thoreau

Today I wrote this:

Living easy isn’t living

Going with the flow

From one day to the next

Means being just like everyone else

Life is hard

It is supposed to be

Easy Lessons are learned easily

The hard ones are supposed to hurt

So you can point at the scar

And say it was worth it.

Live life HARD and live life.

I am going to share a secret with you...for me it's last week. (cue shocked face and dramatic music)....bom bom bom bom....

I write these pieces at least one week in advance so that if it's a hard day or a hospital day I don't have to worry because you will be reading a blog!  My job in all seriousness has become this blog and creating things for it.

Some hard truths for me  have happened in the last 5 years.  Some of the best things in my life have happened in the last 5 years.

I have had cancer.  I survived cancer.

I met one amazing freaking woman.  I have been seriously ill for the almost three years since we met. ( I met the freaking amazing man in my life just over 5 years ago...so he is doomed to not make it here by a technicality).

I have had a migraine every day for the last 9 months, prior to that and now I have been dealing with unexplained body aches and pains that put me in the hospital twice last year.  I am slowly learning to take care of myself and rediscovering my arts.

The friends we moved closer to slowly drifted away, my husband was unable to visit the children we moved closer to because of our financial situation, and we have been dead broke almost from day one of our move.  We moved out of Michigan.

We are going to be doing the most difficult thing, due to our finances, that I can think of (including those things above).  I get to do something I have wanted to do pretty much since I can remember.

So what is that last thing?  I finally get to live in the Southwest!  Sar got a transfer with the VA and we are moving to Tucson! Whoot, Whoot!  Sadly, we aren't doing this for kicks and giggles; but for my health.  The weather is much better for me there and Crimson can get her DMA there as well.  It's win/win/win.

The only lesson you learn from an easy life is...yeah nope.

Everyone has a story, thus everyone lives a hard life.  Your definition of hard only applies to you.  My life has sucked for my health and finances.  My life has been utterly amazing in the way of my closest relationships and artistry.  The glass is only half of anything if you don't freaking drink it.  Drink up! Make the most of what you are given and give the most you can!

I gave you a poem and a quote!  That is a MWF "P" with some sage advice.  Love what I am doing and want to see more?  I am now on Patreon.

Inspiration-Poetry (Color)

 Inspiration comes from many directions for all kinds of art.  A sunset, a toy, a person, or a conversation can all trigger the creative instinct.  The "Color Cycle" is a three poem set that began following a conversation.  The conversation was with an African American woman who had grown up as a member of the only African American family in a small town in Texas.  She had been told by family and friends that being dark was bad, having natural hair was unprofessional and basically that she was unattractive because of nothing more and nothing less than her genetics.  I wasn't shocked as much as I was saddened.  The young lady is beautiful, by the by. Hearing the hurt in her voice made me want to weep.  As a shockingly white woman raised in the Mid-West, I am no judge of the African American community and I am not trying to be.  I just wanted to help one person feel better and the words helped me feel better as well.

Color

#1

Why is nude a color?

Why is it not just an expression of who we are,

Skin tone holds no sin.

Be Proud of who and what you are.

Bathe in the beauty of you

#2

Why limit yourself to the colors of a rainbow?

Create Love and live outside the boundaries.

Let life be limitless and grow beyond your wildest dreams.

#3

All the shades of beautiful

How many crayons are in your box?

Where is your paper bag?

Do NOT limit your vision

Do NOT limit your choice.

Look at all of the shades

See all of the beauty

I am more then aware of my privileges.  I was raised well, by people who loved and celebrated me for who I was.  They wanted the best for me and that included education, food and shelter.  I have had familial support for my entire life.  Some people, of any color, do not have that support.  That support is what has given me the confidence to be who I am and be happy about it.  I could not be a creator now if it weren't for my family then.  For some it is the opposite, they created (and indeed still do) to escape their circumstances and are inspired by pain.  Most often, I find joy within my creative cycle.

Inspiration in writing, especially poetry, is like a lightning bolt for me.  It is in my head and it must get out.  It doesn't care if it is the middle of the night, middle of a conversation or the middle of another creation; it wants out now.  I have found that if I resist those impulses I lose the words. If I do it often enough and for long enough they stop coming entirely.  The first time I lost the words completely, when my head was silent, was a relief.  For about a month.  Then I was lonely.  I tried to force the words. It didn't work.  I had to live my life and wait for them to come back.  They did eventually and I am glad.  It took me actually participating in life not letting it pass me by.  Every day that I am sick I worry that they will go away again.  I can't participate the way I used to and want to so how long can the words last? I am going to be writing them down for as long as they do.

Celebration-Dawn Cowan 

If you pay attention there is beauty all around you.  Whether you write, paint, take photos, or talk recreate that beauty and share it with the world.  The world deserves more artists.  Love what I am doing and want to see more?  I am now on Patreon.